Monday, January 7, 2013

This is where it all starts...

So, here we are... the first fuckin' post of my blog... yes, the first fuckin' post, and you all have the privilege of being the VERY FIRST to hear what I think! Don't it just make you feel all warm and squishy inside?

Like fuzzy, fluffy fuckin' teddy bears are hugging your soul?

Like Bob Ross is painting happy little fuckin' trees in your heart?


So, why are we here? What's the point of all this? Why do I have to say “fuck” so much?

All will be revealed in good time. Don't worry... I'm not gonna leave you hanging for long.

Why do I swear so much? Well, quite simply, I write the way I think and the way I talk. I'm using a writing technique called “stream of consciousness,” which means that I just write every word that crosses my bulbous fuckin' brain. Sure, I go back and edit later, but I don't add or remove any fowl language.

If profanity offends you, I'm NOT gonna tell you to go somewhere else, but I will ask you WHY you find certain words SO offensive that you just can't stand to see them before your eyes.

All your life, you've been told not to use these words. Why? What makes those words any worse than the rest of the lexicon? More harsh, perhaps; but I wouldn't say “worse”. I believe these words ARE in the English language for a reason, and that reason is to add emphasis where emphasis is needed. Sometimes, it's for comedic or dramatic effect. Sometimes, it's to add that extra exclamation point where it's needed. Sometimes, it's to piss off people that DESERVE to be offended! “Dirty words” can be used just as effectively to infer emotion as well. I mean, which one sounds angrier: “Screw you!” or “FUCK you!”?

The great philosopher, George Carlin, spent most of his professional life tackling this topic, of course. Early in his career, while performing at a College campus, he gained notoriety by performing a list of seven words you can't say on television (the content of which led to a First Amendment lawsuit that was settled by the Supreme Court in Mr. Carlin's favor), which he later changed and expanded, based on the commentary and feedback of English Professors and other language experts. The amended list, as he saw it, includes the words fuck, shit, piss, cunt, cocksucker, tits, fart, taint, and twat.

Arguably, those are some of the most FUN words in the English language; not just the dirtiest. They're fun, partly because they make prudish people cringe, but they also have the added benefit of providing us with the means to keep this blog all to ourselves! If the people who disagree with sentiment simply because of the words I use don't wanna read it, FINE!!! But that also means you're gonna be left out of all the FUN we're gonna have... enjoy your white bread and mayonnaise sandwich. Maybe you can follow it up with a nice bowl of crushed ice for desert... enjoy!

As for the rest of you who choose to remain, WELCOME FUCKIN' ABOARD!!!

I plan on releasing new material twice a week or more. At first, the days will be random until I find specific days and times that give you the time to read and comment, while keeping you entertained and intellectually nourished enough to return. Part of my goal here is to open debate about some crucial issues that are otherwise unrepresented or underrepresented by today's corporately-run media... in some cases, the shit between the lines.

I want to piss you off (not at me... don't shoot the fuckin' messenger).

I want to make you think.

I want to make you laugh.

I want to make you scream.

I want to make you horny!!! (ladies???)

Most of all, I want you to READ MY SHIT!!!

So please, bookmark my blog and visit regularly!


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