Thursday, February 27, 2014

Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes

Allow me to put the views presented in this piece into context.  This may sound strange, but some of the best advice I've ever heard came from the movie, “Team America: World Police”.


“I hurt people... I'm a dick!”

“Well, bein' a dick ain't so bad.  See, there are three kinds of people; Dicks, Pussies, and Assholes!  Pussies think everyone can get along, and Dicks just wanna fuck all the time without thinkin' it through; but then, you got your Assholes, Chuck.  And all the Assholes want is to SHIT ALL OVER EVERYTHING!  So, Pussies may get mad at Dicks once in a while, because Pussies get fucked by Dicks; but Dicks ALSO fuck Assholes, Chuck!  And if they didn't fuck the Assholes, you know what you'd get?  You'd get your DICK AND YOUR PUSSY ALL COVERED IN SHIT!”

in the grounds of the modern political climate, as I see it.

I'm going to start with the obvious one...

Republicans are Assholes.  There's no other way to put it.  They ONLY care about the rich, and fall just short of a mantra of “FUCK THE POOR!”  They think that they're superior to everyone else because of their religion, their position in society, and their... well... whiteness.

Yes... I'm just going to say it...

The Republican Party has become a White Supremacist Party, regardless of whether or not they realize it or want to admit it!  I don't hear anybody denouncing it... not anymore... I don't hear any calls for decency in the party... all I hear coming from them is,

“If you're not JUST LIKE US, then you don't deserve rights!  You can't vote!  You can't get any help from the government (unless you're rich)!  No Faggots allowed!  No non-Christians allowed!  No Mexicans allowed!  No Darkies allowed (exceptions made for Uncle Toms)!

You must express Nationalistic sentiment at all times!  If you're not wearing at least one article of clothing or jewelry with the American flag on it, you're ANTI-AMERICAN!  Dissent is treason!

ONLY OUR religion matters!  All other religions are PHONY!  You MUST worship OUR religion, or you're not an American!”

Theocratic White Supremacists are Assholes!  Republicans are Theocratic White Supremacists, so that makes them Assholes!

Next group:

Democrats are Pussies.

Not only do they think that everyone can just... get along... they don't understand the concept that

“Respect GRANTED is for respect EARNED!”

So they just let the Republicans get away with all their name-calling, lies, and absolute lunacy and stupidity; believing that they're acting like the “adult in the room.”

Here's the thing, though...

If they want to be the “adult in the room,” then their job, as the adults, is to discipline BRATTY TODDLERS, if their parents have left them in control!  If their parents aren't around, then it becomes YOUR DUTY to see that their parents are informed as to their misbehavior!  If their parents let them keep doing this destructive, antisocial behavior and throwing hissy-fits when they don't get their way, then you have to DISCIPLINE THE PARENTS!

Pussies WANT to be the “adult in the room”, but they're too chickenshit to act when they need to!  All the time they should be ACTING, they sit there waving their finger, saying,

“Now, now... children... settle down... stop throwing things... that's not very nice... please behave... would you do it for your brother?  No?  Please calm down... if we work together, we can clean the house... I know you don't wanna help, but I need you to... that's not very nice; why would you say that about me... OUCH!  NO BITING!... can we please focus on this?  I know you want cookies, but you can't have any right now... settle down... settle down... gosh, why won't you settle down?... that's not very nice...”

All the time, the Pussies don't realize that the parents have given the toddlers COCAINE, and they'll NEVER settle down until they completely crash... and you can FORGET about a nap (for you OR them)!

So, if we have a proliferation of Pussies and Assholes in our Government, where the fuck are the Dicks?

There are a few Dicks... but nowhere near enough to ACTUALLY make a difference.

I would consider Dicks to be people like Alan Greyson, Elizabeth Warren, and Bernie Sanders... but of those three, only one has the unabashed balls to call things what they are.

Alan Greyson, during the Health “Care” Reform debate, brilliantly and honestly said,

“This is the Republican Party's plan for Health Care:
Step one is, DON'T GET SICK...
… but if you DO get sick...
… the Republican plan is to DIE QUICKLY!”

See what I mean?

Now THAT took balls!  THAT'S the kind of Dick we need more of!

Slap the fuckers down... call them out and make them defend themselves!  Make them prove you wrong!  Say it STRONGLY!  Say it LOUDLY!  If you have to break a few arms and hurt some feelings, SO BE IT!  If that's going to hurt someone's feelings, then maybe that's because YOU'RE RIGHT!

Here's what the Pussies don't realize...

You may not like that, but that doesn't make it any less true.  We're violent, barbaric, meat-eating, gun-collecting, “shoot 'em if yer wronged”, cage-fighting worshipers of sadism and war.  Our entertainment and our history is all you need to prove that fact.  Bear in mind, the second we honkeys set foot on Plymouth Rock, we were a nation bent on white Christian privilege and war.  The first things we did as a Nation were wipe out the Native Americans, bring slaves from Africa, burn witches, force Christian imperialism on the indigenous peoples who decided not to fight us, and then went to war with the country that largely funded our pilgrimage from Europe...

As for our entertainment, look at the most popular movies and television shows... most of the popular movies come with an R rating (and even the PG-13 movies can be pretty heavy-handed... consider “The Ring”).  We produce a lot of movies that glorify our past wars and warriors.  Television is FILLED with violent images and concepts, all across the spectrum of our viewership.  What were the most popular toys when I was a kid?  GI Joe.  He Man.  Transformers.  We program war into our children from the earliest ages, and continue all through life.  There should be no surprise that we grow into violent adults.

I'll never deny that I personally consume these things, myself... I watch some of the most violent horror and action movies out there... from Peter Jackson's early work, to James Wan's.  I'm no stranger to disturbing imagery, and quite frankly, I enjoy it.  What you have to consider is, in that regard, I'm part of a HUGE majority of Americans, who consume and enjoy violence just as I do.

So, if you sit there and cosmetically scrub every phrase to make it as “unoffensive” as possible, walk on eggshells to try and make people like you, and let the other side bully you without making noise about it, then you're only going to attract MORE PUSSIES LIKE YOU, and nothing will get done, because the Pussies are too afraid to take any truly effective ACTION!  They'd rather sit there and get SHIT ON by the Assholes!

My advice to anyone who may be seeking to enter the CLUSTERFUCK we call our “Government,” here you go:

1. Don't be afraid of offending people who NEED TO be offended!

2. Call a bigot a bigot... a liar a liar... a Calvinist a Calvinist... a Theocrat a Theocrat... and an Asshole an Asshole!

3. Don't let the Pussies soften your words!

4. Use more “Emotional” words.  For example, call it “WAGE THEFT” rather than “income inequality.” “Theft” promotes anger, while “inequality” promotes pity, which many barbaric Americans see as “whiny.”

5. Avoid using words that instil pity.  Stick with words that trigger and promote anger and ire!

6. Make your own waves and ride them into shore!

7. Stand up for yourself!

8.  Exploit their weaknesses! This means hit them in the 'stupid' button... they're not that smart... really... they're not.

9. Here's a valuable phrase:  “How much were you paid to say that?”  Ask this EVERY TIME they disparrage the poor, promote the oil industry, bash Obamacare, deny climate change, or mention “over-regulation”!

10. When they talk about Abortion or Gay Marriage, recite the first ten words of the First Amendment: “Congress shall pass no law respecting an establishment of religion!”  Then, POINT OUT that these are the FIRST TEN WORDS of the FIRST Amendment, and that if they haven't read that, then they probably haven't read ANY of the Constitution (because they haven't)!

11. If they say they should be elected because they're a Christian, recite this part of Article 6 of the Constitution:

“No religious test shall ever be required for any office or public trust under the United States.”

Then, point out again that they haven't read the Constitution!

12. NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR BEING STRONGLY WORDED!  Apologies are ammunition, just like irresponsible comments!  If your opponent is offended that you would openly call him an Asshole for BEING an Asshole, then DOUBLE DOWN AND MAINTAIN COURSE!  People WILL respect you for it!

These measures will net you a national audience, a lot of eyes, a lot of donations, and a lot of votes!

… or you could run as a Pussy, and forgo the people who WANT AND DESERVE a hard-headed, unabashedly blunt, unapologetically honest BADASS for their Representative or Senator, who, if they do these things, will speak for a lot more of America than JUST the Pussies (which is actually a MINORITY in America, but not in the Democratic Party).

Thanks to the Pussies being pussies, the Assholes are basically holding the nation at a standstill...

However, thanks to the Pussies, the Assholes aren't COMPLETELY shitting all over us...

… so, I guess...

The Pussies are causing constipation in the Assholes, but the Assholes are causing constipation in EVERYTHING!

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