Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Definition of "Stupid" Expanded to Specifically Include North Carolina Legislature


In case you haven't heard, North Carolina has just found a new level of stupid to sink to. With this move, it appears that Mississippi has competition in their stampede towards “Idiocracy.” (Incidentally, I don't believe Mr. Judge intended that movie to be a suggestion.)




You see, North Carolina only has ONE religion that matters, and everyone who believes differently from them are simply unworthy of equal rights or representation. Therefore, they believe that this religion should be the OFFICIAL religion of North Carolina, and that for that reason, they deserve special advantages and privileges that are ignored to other religions... I mean, those religions aren't THAT religion, so they must be WRONG... they must be some kind of CULT... they simply don't matter...



so that their schools can lead prayers...


… so that they can use ONE RELIGION to govern (or rather, oppress) people...


Am I the only person who sees something WRONG here???

I mean, if North Carolina is declaring that they magically, for some reason, are above the courts and Federal Government, doesn't that look like an attempt to secede???

Following this logic, North Carlina can just as easily pass more measures regarding ways they feel “oppressed” by the Federal government... they can declare that their citizens don't have to pay Income Taxes, for example... or that their cops have the right to search and seize anything they damn well please; warrant or not... or that the Second Amendment says you can own tanks and F-18s... or that there is no such thing as a minimum wage... or they could even bring back slavery, if they wanted to (although, if they undo the minimum wage, it would do the same thing)...

In the articles I've read, they haven't stated where North Carolina believes they have the authority to do this, but I can assume that they believe it comes from the Tenth Amendment, which reads:


Now, when most morons talk about the Tenth Amendment, they know they're talking about “State's Rights,” but most of them have NEVER READ THE FUCKING AMENDMENT!!!



If they had, they would understand that this basically says “if it doesn't say it here, then it's up to you to figure it out...”

What THEY think it means is, “States can do whatever the fuck they want; even if they want to eliminate parts of the Constitution to meet their own sick desires.”

If they didn't think that, then they wouldn't be attempting this legislative coup d'etat. That's the only rational reason I can conceive to explain their actions.

… but then again, it may not be entirely rational to attempt to understand the rantings of irrational people... I mean, sure, they're interesting and all... but only a Schizophrenic could follow what they call “logic.”



North Carolina, you may have just inspired me to create a “movement toward Idiocracy” timeline... while I'm thankful for the creative inspiration, I just have to ask... wouldn't you rather be known for doing something GOOD?

Of course, the problem runs deeper than just the legislators... I mean, SOMEBODY had to put them in office, right? They didn't just APPEAR there, magically. They didn't just walk in one day and start legislating... they were VOTED IN!

Now, what does that say about the voting populous of North Carolina? Well, given the fact that they voted for Obama twice, it's safe to say that the majority of the people only vote once every four years (which, by the way, is the case across THE ENTIRE COUNTRY).

The State Legislature, however, is obviously elected by an entirely un-informed electorate; nearly impervious to such things as “facts” or any understanding of the Constitution. The people who elect these morons only serve to further prove the hypotheses in my earlier post, “Cultivating the Stupid.”



Yes, as people get dumber, they elect dumber people, who do things that help to make people dumber; which only hurts the rest of us, because those of us who actually DO have the ability to think rationally have to constantly deal with the pure rivers of mental sludge that come from this segment of the population.

Watch out going through doors... they might close on your hands, with your knuckles dragging behind you like that...


Monday, March 4, 2013

Cultivating the Stupid


perhaps I spend too much time on social media...

perhaps I read too much...

perhaps I know too much...

or maybe I'm just delusional...

but I keep seeing something that bothers the living shit out of me...



I've been in a few “debates” with people who think public education should be eliminated because (paraphrasing their arguments) “education is liberal indoctrination.” It always comes from the same types of people... Fundamentalist Christians who either send their children to religious school or home-school them.

The bigger problem is, it's spreading. A simple Google search will reveal A SHITLOAD of articles that people have written to make people FEAR the education system! Does that make ANY sense at all???

and that's just the beginning... barely scratching the surface of the problem...

Here's the thing... OBVIOUSLY, stupid people are easier to control and manipulate than people who are competent of the world around them.

There has even been a Presidential Primary Candidate who espoused these beliefs; Rick Santorum. Don't forget, he was also the guy who said, “We will never have the elite smart people on our side.”

Yes, there are LITERALLY people IN GOVERNMENT who are asking you to retain your ignorance... doesn't that just PISS YOU OFF???

Obviously, these people are too stupid to recognize a stupid idea when they hear it.

Is there any way we could declare willful stupidity a form of insanity??? I mean, that's completely antithetical to the PURPOSE of being alive... the purpose of life is to ADVANCE THE SPECIES for the lives of those who come after!

and advancement doesn't mean breeding like rabbits... it means making a BETTER species; not a BIGGER species. If we're going to be the top of the food chain, it should be because we have the tools to survive and excel; not just because we have a large population!!!

So, when people reject something that SHOULD be the most BASIC form of rationality, shouldn't we be able to declare them to be a threat to themselves and society? I wouldn't say it, if it weren't true... I mean, they ARE a threat to themselves and society... just look at the House of Representatives... look at the gerrymandering... look at the Theocratic proposals... look at the denial of reality... all signs that their INSANITY has done great damage to society, and through their rejection of rationality, damage to themselves...

In jest, may I suggest that we re-instate the “3/5 Compromise” in the 14thAmendment; but relate it to indoctrinated morons instead of black people? Maybe then, they'll be forced to realize how stupid they are, and they'll be forced to look at what their stupidity has done to us...

a man can dream, can't he?

Seriously... it's time we stopped letting the stupidest people make all the decisions for us!!! I mean, look at all the morons who buy into douchebags like Alex Jones (who may actually be a sign that evolution CAN go in reverse)...

...look at all the people who think Michele Bachmann is smart enough for government (I swear, there is just something WRONG with that woman... maybe her parents threw her on the “Tilt-A-Whirl” too early or something... or maybe she just liked taking “clothes dryer rides” when she was a kid)...

look at all the people who think Glenn Beck knows what he's talking about...

Yes, these people are evidence that the “Dunning-Kruegger Effect” is alive and well; and that it's causing us MAJOR problems within our voting populous.

The Republicans have allowed a culture of stupidity to fester and spawn; and now that it's causing a problem, there's no turning back. They've allowed TOO MUCH stupid to fill their ranks, and now they're rapidly becoming an obsolete brand of Theocrats and indoctrinated fools.

I realize that this may be a little too harsh for some people's taste... personally, I don't give a shit...

I find ignorance to be OFFENSIVE... and when that ignorance is WILLFUL, that goes beyond offensive to despicable!

This trend can be traced back to Ricard Nixon's “Southern Strategy.” He needed votes, and he was desperate, so he decided to appeal to the Southern “Dixiecrats,” who were basically the former Democrats who were opposed to the direction that the party had taken with regards to Civil Rights (women's suffrage, voting rights, etc).

Now, we all know that bigots and misogynists are on the VERY BOTTOM of the intellectual scale, so we can start to see where this is heading.  By the time that Regan came along, the Plutocrats saw that all the dumbest people were packaged up in a nice, neat little box, so they knew they could easily control them with the fear and hate that already welled deeply within them. Furthermore, they knew that many of them had inseparable ties to their faith, which gave them another means of control.

draw the conclusion that the whims of the rich are actually “Christian values,” and they'll follow you FOREVER!

So, when it worked for the bankers, then they knew it would work for the oil industry... and the pharmaceutical industry... and any douchebag employer who thinks their employees are lesser humans (I'm looking at YOU, Wal Mart)... and the tobacco industry...

Eventually, it became EASY for douchebags to deceive and control the dumbest among us... they had people like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly to do their bidding. They could convince people of anything they wanted.

and then, along came the climate discussion...

Knowing that the base of the party was already prone to reject science in favor of their own beliefs, they knew that it would be easy to convince people that ecological studies are founded in “junk science,” so that they didn't have to worry about pesky agencies like the EPA...

I mean, if it's science, then it MUST be against the Bible SHOMEHOW, right? God made this world PERFECT, so nothing man can do has the power to break it, right? If it's “God made,” then it must be flawless...

seems legit...

Now, all these people have been so deceived that there may be no coming back from this. They've spent so much time “cultivating stupid” that there's not enough rationality left in the party to bring it back to the centrist level that it needs to be in order for our country to operate in the way that it needs to.

Translation: we're in for a few REALLY HARD decades... get your helmets on, because the repeated face-palms could, at some point, cause a concussion...

... because now, they haven't just “cultivated” the stupid... they've ELECTED it!



Once the stupid spreads far enough and seeps deep enough into the populous that enough people are willing to ELECT the stupid, then it's seeped into the foundation; which means the house has to be torn down and rebuilt from the base up...

There will, of course, be a period before the property is bought, in which the house just sits there...

condemned...

...boarded-up...

haunted by the demons of the past...

who will have to be exercised in order for rebuilding to take place...

but until then, you might want to wear waders in the basement, because the SHIT gets DEEP!!!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Well... That Explains EVERYTHING!!!


Such brilliance is rarely found in something so simple. Have you ever heard about the “Dunning-Kruegger Effect?”

I doubt it.

But in order to TRULY understand the problems we have today, it's ESSENTIAL to understand the “Dunning-Kruegger Effect.”

So, what is it?

Well, in their words,


and here's what they said, in “you and me” talk...

Basically, the dumbest people don't have the ability to realize they're stupid. They consistently overestimate themselves, and underestimate everyone else. They BELIEVE they're smart, despite MOUNTAINS of evidence to the contrary.

That's the BASICS of it...

Now consider what that ACTUALLY means, in the context of today's biggest problems, like the economy, education, and social issues...

Consider, also, the fact that Professors Dunning and Kruegger have stated that Creationism is a tangible example of their study... despite SOLID SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE, they cling to their book's claim that the world is between 6 and 10,000 years old; and insist that there is “science” to support their claim.



but there's another side to the “Dunning-Kruegger Effect,” as well... the stupid people aren't the only ones who have a consistent problem... the intelligent people have a constant struggle, themselves...



You see, intelligent people understand that the more you learn, the less you know. They have the ability to question the things that they had previously believed to be true. As such, they believe that EVERYONE has this ability; which the stupid people do not.

The outcome is, intelligent people tend to overestimate stupid people; falsely believing that they have the ability to learn and adapt.

doesn't that explain EVERYTHING about politics right now???

the Republicans (by way of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and the rest of their propagandists) have spent the last 30 years cultivating the stupid people... feeding them more and more stupid... providing them with news that makes them MORE stupid... and now... that's all they have...

so that left the Democratic Party with the smart people... the people who consistently overestimate the intelligence of their opponents...

That's why our Congress has dissolved into the governmental equivalent of a Pre-School class. If we REALLY want “change,” we have to deal with each other on an intellectual level that people can UNDERSTAND!!!

That means that when we formulate our arguments to MORONS, we have to speak in short sentences, and use smaller words. Talking over their heads will just enrage them. Look at the tea party for an example... enraged by words they don't understand, like Socialism, Communism, Fascism, Dictator, Marxist, and “teabag”...

Those are words they heard, and thought they sounded bad, and they were TOLD that they were bad, so they started using them; without the knowledge of what they MEAN. Now, convincing them that their definitions of these words (and many, many more) are not what they believe them to be...

and they believe it all...


So now, getting these people to understand the truth will be nearly impossible.

Not only that, but many of them are dumber than we think, and we have to find a “Sesame Street” kind of way to present it to them that appeals to the toddler in their intellect.

and here, we find ourselves at a cross-roads...

How do we get the stupid people to accept the facts that they've been told are lies; and how do we get smart people to realize how stupid the stupid people are?

I believe it all starts with the smart people... the smart people are the ones who have the ability to adapt and learn from their mistakes, so they have to be the ones to learn how to deal with the stupid people on their own level.

Am I being too harsh?

Well, given the problems that we face as a result of the anti-intellectualism that's been allowed to fester, I don't think I am being too harsh...

maybe this will snap some stupid people into realizing they're stupid...

maybe this will snap some smart people into analyzing their mistakes from a different direction...

a man can dream, can't he?

Thursday, February 7, 2013

It Must Suck to be God


Imagine, if you will, the life of God...

God, the almighty...

God, the magnificent...

God, the all-knowing...

Who the fuck wants THAT kind of experience? Nothing new. No changes. No innovations. Everything’s always the same. That’s a world that would disgust me. No mysteries… you already fuckin' know everything. You know exactly why everything happens, so you just expect everything that’s going to happen.

That would REALLY suck! That would probably mean no music… no movies… no Hitchcock or Twilight Zone… no Welles' “War of the Worlds”… no reading… no news…

You know, when you think about it like that...

... it must REALLY suck to be God!

In an omnipotent, omniscient existence, what do you really have to look forward to? If you already know everything and you can make anything happen, what kind of hobbies can you possibly have?

You’ve got some people who love you, some people who fear you, and some people who don’t even think you exist... nobody calls you by the same fuckin’ name... some people think you have multiple personalities and refer to different things you do by different names. Sometimes, people get so crazy that they start killing each other in your name, neither side realizing that the other guys are really following the same entity.

… and then there are the varying stories about your children…

If we’re to trust legend, you have one kid who went into a blind rage, killed his family, and had to complete a bunch of impossible labors as atonement for his crimes; 

another kid who got crucified by the Romans;

another kid who got pissed off and stole your eye… 

of course, there are MORE stories, but it's kind of hard to top that one...

… your kids are a real handful; but since they’re the LITERAL children of God, you HAVE to be a parent because no mortal can POSSIBLY have the ability to be an effective parent to a demi-God. You have a stressful, time-consuming job that takes a lot of time from your family. Hell, even when you’re with them, you’re still working. You never took them to Disneyland… you never played catch with them… even when you WERE with them, you were always on the phone…

In empathy, I offer this: Who can BLAME them for rejecting authority?

Yep… life is tough when you’re God. Just think… that’s just the BEGINNING… (and just one WORLD... who the fuck knows how many MORE you're overseeing on the side...)

Everybody wants you to do shit for them. Some people thank you for what you do for them, but most really don’t have a clue what you’ve provided for them. Almost nobody notices the little things… the beauty in the world; like butterflies and rainbows and shit.  

When you’re God, it’s your job to kill everyone and everything. In the long run, everything you’ve created has to be destroyed… by you! That makes it really hard to make friends. When you know you’re going to have to kill someone later, do you really want to get too close to them? Sure, maybe you’ll see them again, but nobody really knows for sure (except God).

Christians believe that you either go to Heaven, Hell, or Limbo (in some circles). Atheists think you just end and there’s nothing after that (yes, I do consider Atheism to be a faith, because religions have faith that there IS a God, and Atheists have faith that there is nothing. Either way, it’s all faith, and it's large groups of people who all believe the same thing.) Odinists believe you cross the Rainbow Bridge to Valhalla and spend your afterlife with past warriors.

The truth is, nobody can claim to know FOR SURE whether there is or isn’t a God. Nobody’s met him face to face since Moses. (Sorry, Mrs. Bachmann and Misters Bush, Perry, and Cain... those voices in your head are NOT “The Lord”) Nobody can provide conclusive evidence of his existence or of his absence. There are STORIES about God, but nobody that wrote them is around to substantiate the claims. We just have to take the books that contain the stories at their word.

… although...

When you’re God, you always have a great view of the sunset. You can go to the top of any mountain. You can visit any moment in time. You can lick the beaters whenever you want. You can always watch “Ghostbusters.” You can experience any beauty you want, at any time you want.

Here’s the truth about God...

… at least, the truth as I see it, when I use my own logic...

God neither loves us nor hates us. God is ambivalent. God is random. Like I said, God can’t get to know anybody; he’ll just have to kill them later.

There’s no one person he likes more than any other person; they’re all the same. We’re all just pawns. There are no REAL kings or rooks. Everybody has the same role to play: fodder.

We serve our purpose, then we get taken off the board. Does the game ever get reset? Do we ever play again?



Who the fuck knows???

If you make it all the way to the other side of the board, do you get to bring someone else back to life, before going off and doing whatever you want? Nobody will ever have the definitive answers for these questions. Once you’re gone, you’re gone, and there’s no coming back to tell anyone what the fuck happened later.

Nobody can ever claim to know God on a personal level. Nobody will ever be omniscient or omnipotent, so nobody will ever be able to claim that they “get” God. God is more complicated than Shaft... and HE’S a complicated man!



So when you’re God, you’re constantly misunderstood, lonely, bored, ambivalent, and manically both creating and destroying things... just TELL ME that doesn’t suck! Who the fuck can blame him for throwing an earthquake or a flood every once in a while? Dealing with all of that can NOT be good for one’s Psychological fitness!

… and just think… God’s been at it FOREVER, and he’s NEVER GONNA STOP! There was never a beginning and there will never be an end. Could you imagine feeling like that? Wouldn’t you get tired? I mean, you never get a vacation… you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! It’s NEVER ENDING! How would YOU like to exist, knowing that you will never have a break? It’s not like working a regular job… 40 hours a week… No, you’ll never have a day off, despite what the Bible says.

God never stops working... I mean, it’s not like time just STOPS on Sunday… things happen… if things are happening, God is working… it’s that simple. If you don’t believe it, then any time there’s a natural disaster on a Sunday, you can’t fuckin’ blame God for it! If you TRULY believe that Sunday is a “day of rest” and that it’s supposed to be God’s “day of rest” as well, then you can’t believe he’s making tornadoes and hurricanes and shit on his day off!

Consider this; the Bible ALSO says that to God, a millennium is as a day… TECHNICALLY, that means that God takes a thousand years off after every six thousand years working! The last time he TRIED to take time off, the dark ages happened, and he had to come back to work EARLY! He couldn’t take ANY time off without us REALLY fuckin’ things up!

Of course, if God DOES, indeed, take time off, then that means time DOES stop. Supposedly, God makes time happen. So if God takes a break, that means time stops. This says to me that one day, we’re all gonna wake up and there’s gonna be a MILLENNIUM worth of dust all over everything. We’ll all look around and say “what the fuck HAPPENED last night?”

YOU only work FIVE DAYS before taking TWO days off! You lazy fuck! Look at how hard GOD works! What makes YOU better than GOD?

Arrogant bastard!

However, if you DON’T believe these things, you’re fine… just keep doing what you’re doing…